Your are a Church if…

I saw something the other day that said you were only a church if you did a certain thing. I don’t remember what it really said. But I do remember my response. Yep! there are at least two side to every conversation about the church and depending on which on you are on it is either the right one or the wrong one.

• You are only a church if you preach from the KJV


• You are only a church if your KJV is leather bound and has gold leaf pages


• You are only a church if you use “the Message”


• You are only a church if you sing old songs from a hymnal


• You are only a church if you sing new songs that have no meaning


• You are only a church if you give a “tithe”


• You are only a church if you “let the Spirit” lead your giving


• You are only a church if you have a sanctuary


• You are only a church if you are not in a sanctuary but a school auditorium and have a sign that says church sanctuary


• You are only a church if you have a pulpit in the middle of the stage


• You are only a church if your pulpit is to the right or left of the center


• You are only a church if you have a pipe organ


• You are only a church if you have a Hammond organ


• You are only a church if you dress up like you are going to a funeral or wedding


• You are only a church if you don’t dress up at all but look like a slob


• You are only a church if you have pews


• You are only a church if you have round tables and chairs


• You are only a church if you have a choir (in tune or out of tune)


• You are only a church if you have a contemporary band (in tune or out of tune)


• You are only a church if you have a committee to decide everything


• You are only a church if you have no committees and are deceived into believing that you have no committees


• You are only a church if you meet on Sunday Morning at 11:00 am (even though none of the congregants are farmers)


• You are only a church if you meet at 1:07 on Sunday Afternoon (even though none of the congregants are farmers)


• You are only a church if you have a cross on the back wall (all varnished and shinny)


• You are only a church if you have no cross (we don’t worship a piece of wood)


• You are only a church if your preacher wears uncomfortable clothes (robes, collars, etc.)


• You are only a church if your preacher wears comfortable clothes (but still looks like a slob)


• You are only a church if your preacher preaches homilies that are predetermined by a lexionary reading


• You are only a church if your preacher has burned his homilies and speaks from his heart (usually he is piping out what he thinks is “holy air” but is in fact “hot air”)


• You are only a church if you have teaching


• Your are only a church if you have sharing and think that you are not teaching when you are teaching sharing


• You are only a church if you pay your pastor as small of a salary as you can so he can suffer with Jesus


• You are only a church if you pay your pastor a large salary so he can hob-knob with the social elite


• You are only a church if you have a Sunday School and Adult Education program


• You are only a church if you have discarded SS and AE in favor of “Spirit” led education which often ends up being no education


• You are only a church if you repeat the creeds


• You are only a church if you can forget the creeds


• You are only a church if your doctrine is correct


• You are only a church if you don’t know what doctrine is


• You are only a church if you have rednecks


• You are only a church if you have white necks or any other color necks


• You are only a church if you come in the front door of the church and are immediately in the back of the sanctuary (why is that?)


• You are only a church if you have many doors to get into the church sanctuary (but you are still in the back when you enter from the front)


• You are only a church if you set quietly and respectively


• You are only a church if you can raise your hands and voices


• You are only a church if you just listen and experience the sermon


• You are only a church if you can take notes to put in your binder to stick away and never remember where you put it


• You are only a church if you believe


• You are only a church if you follow


• You are only a church if you have a prestigious preachers persuading people to put money into the plate


• You are only a church if you have thrown the prestigious preachers who are persuading people and the plate out in favor of a box at the back of the meeting place that is big enough to trip over on the way out


• You are only a church if you feed the poor


• You are only a church if you and your congregation are poor


• You are only a church if you have social justice ministries


• You are only a church if you have spiritual ministries


• You are only a church if you follow the Christendom church model


• You are only a church if you if you break form the Christendom model


• You are only a church if you have a regular worship service


• You are only a church if you have alt-worship


• Your are only a church if you are attractional


• You are only a church if you are incarnational


• You are only a church if you…