Periodically I see some items online in newspaper church columns that are amusing to me, I thought I would share some of them without comment.

From an independent church: Pastor Garry concludes his message series “Armor All, Fighting Spiritual Battles”

Form a Foursquare church: Blessing Shoppe open 10 a.m.-3 p.m.

On one church page along I saw the following…[pastor’s name] preaches at [time] 14 times one right after the other.

On one page I saw: Sunday worship is at 10 a.m., with a flashing ad next to it from a local wine shop telling folks that 600 wines are just the start. At least the wine shop has some advertising sense (Ooops I forgot, no comments).

Here’s another sermon topic that really grabbed me: “Exodus - Fact, Fiction, or Something Else Altogether?” I’m sure folks will be lining up at the door to get in and hear this. (BTW: I gave up on the “no comment” idea.)

Here’s another “Everlasting Punishment,” I’m sure those folks will really be uplifted as they have lunch after this one.

“As I Think - So I Become.” I thought for a moment that I was lost and was reading a “Tony Robbins” ad.

How about this one: “On Sunday, Oct. 30, [name], a vibrational therapist will provide us with a message, music and meditation through the use of an Australian didgeridoo and it’s only $20 to boot to get in the door. A “vibrational therapist” at a church, this one’s got me worried!

“Life Under Construction,” Most folks I know might listen if the title was “Life Under De-Construction.”

Of course this one is a dead giveaway for where it come from: “Lutherans: Telling the World’s Story of Freedom.” Wouldn’t it actually be better to hear God’s Story of Freedom

I guess some of the Lutheran ladies in Nevada are trying to discover who they are. In one community they can attend a ladies Bible study two times a week with the title: “Who Am I?”

In a town in Tennessee food seems to be the calling card to get you inside the building, on one page there were several kinds of food being offered: BBQ pork or chicken, Chili, a Sudanese meal lunch after the “Old Fashion Day, and the generic refreshments, of course the last one is also offering an outside service with “no pews.” How novel! And finally a sermon title that must get the prize for being the longest: A Holy Ghost Takeover: Taking Our City For God, one person, one family, one street and one neighborhood at a time!” You might have thought that this was from a Pentecostal church, nope, it’s from First Baptist Church.

Some of these ads may draw folks in by the ones, while other folks would be kept away by the droves.

This entry was posted on Sunday, October 30th, 2005 at 7:49 am and is filed under Church Stuff, Miscellaneous, Personal.