Some Church Things I Find Amusing

Periodically I see some items online in newspaper church columns that are amusing to me, I thought I would share some of them without comment.

From an independent church: Pastor Garry concludes his message series “Armor All, Fighting Spiritual Battles”

Form a Foursquare church: Blessing Shoppe open 10 a.m.-3 p.m.

On one church page along I saw the following…[pastor’s name] preaches at [time] 14 times one right after the other.

On one page I saw: Sunday worship is at 10 a.m., with a flashing ad next to it from a local wine shop telling folks that 600 wines are just the start. At least the wine shop has some advertising sense (Ooops I forgot, no comments).

Here’s another sermon topic that really grabbed me: “Exodus – Fact, Fiction, or Something Else Altogether?” I’m sure folks will be lining up at the door to get in and hear this. (BTW: I gave up on the “no comment” idea.)

Here’s another “Everlasting Punishment,” I’m sure those folks will really be uplifted as they have lunch after this one.

“As I Think – So I Become.” I thought for a moment that I was lost and was reading a “Tony Robbins” ad.

How about this one: “On Sunday, Oct. 30, [name], a vibrational therapist will provide us with a message, music and meditation through the use of an Australian didgeridoo and it’s only $20 to boot to get in the door. A “vibrational therapist” at a church, this one’s got me worried!

“Life Under Construction,” Most folks I know might listen if the title was “Life Under De-Construction.”

Of course this one is a dead giveaway for where it come from: “Lutherans: Telling the World’s Story of Freedom.” Wouldn’t it actually be better to hear God’s Story of Freedom

I guess some of the Lutheran ladies in Nevada are trying to discover who they are. In one community they can attend a ladies Bible study two times a week with the title: “Who Am I?”

In a town in Tennessee food seems to be the calling card to get you inside the building, on one page there were several kinds of food being offered: BBQ pork or chicken, Chili, a Sudanese meal lunch after the “Old Fashion Day, and the generic refreshments, of course the last one is also offering an outside service with “no pews.” How novel! And finally a sermon title that must get the prize for being the longest: A Holy Ghost Takeover: Taking Our City For God, one person, one family, one street and one neighborhood at a time!” You might have thought that this was from a Pentecostal church, nope, it’s from First Baptist Church.

Some of these ads may draw folks in by the ones, while other folks would be kept away by the droves.

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